Enemy of Reggaeton: Merriam-Webster

So it was just announced that "Reggaeton" has made it's way into the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Normally you would think this was a good thing, a sign that Reggaeton was on it's way to universal acceptance. And in some senses you would be right, however a quick look at the calender should tell you EXACTLY why this should fill you with total and complete rage.

It is July 2009. Even if you want to take a popular culture view of Reggaeton and say that it began in 2004 with the crossover success of "Gasolina," that means they are FIVE YEARS BEHIND. Oh, what's that? It's a dictionary so they are always slow? Well this year they added Vlog and in previous years they added stuff like "truthiness" from Stephen Colbert when it was barely a year old.

And you see that definition? It's wrong! While I would love to see a dictionary that defines everything in relation to Puerto Rico, this definition completely ignores Reggaeton hotspots like Panama, The Dominican Republic, and oh, I don't know, the freaking BRONX.

Screw these up tight jerks. If I was having a reggaeton party I would NEVER let anyone with the name Merriam or Webster onto the guest list. They are probably old white people who would only like the reggaeton songs that sound like merengue because they like Cuban food and bootleg revolutions.

So congratulations Merriam Webster, you just added Reggaeton to your dumb list of definitions. Well guess what? We just added YOU to a list: The Enemies of Reggaeton. Say hi to Pitbull for us.
-Estilo Blanco

The Feud with Sandra Pena

Here at Solo Para Reggaeton we have NOTHING but love for Latino 96.3 in Los Angeles. In fact, we can honestly say that they are responsible for our passion for the music, the lifestyle, and everything that is reggaeton.

So when Latino 96.3 DJ Sandra Pena started busting a twitter (@sandrapena) about how Pitbull (noted enemy of reggaeton) was twittering and how we should all follow him. Well, we could not let that happen. So Estilo Blanco went ahead and sent her a message with the link to the Pitbull Enemy of Reggaeton Post.

Here was her response:



Needless to say, we immediately stopped following her on twitter.
Here was the fallout on Facebook:




















-Estilo Blanco

Enemy of Reggaeton: The State of Tennessee

Alexis y Fido Run Into Trouble in Nashville

Alexis y Fido were detained at the airport in Nashville, Tennessee and the boys are mad at the way they were treated.

According to the boys, the promoter that flew them over used a stolen credit card to purchase their airline tickets, so this was a case of fraud and unfortunately it landed on their laps.

They tell El Vocero that they were treated like dogs and felt that they were discriminated against because they are Latinos and because of the clothes they wear.

NOT COOL!

From LatinGossip

Enemy of Reggaeton: IO Cable

So, IO Cable decided to try to secure the Latino Market by creating this ad. It just reinforces ridiculous stereotypes and is all about cable packages. Though I think there are some clues in there, specifically the presence of a pirate. This is because true Reggaetoneros steal cable.

The other possibility is that they get some sort of awesome weird satellite dish (pictured) that gets them special Puerto Rican channels that I don't even know about yet...

In my dreams these channels features instructional videos about dancing, speaking Spanish, and making love PR-style. They also have awesome game shows that are like a mix of Press your Luck and and a porno.


From what I can tell, this ad ran in Jan/Feb 2008 and Cablevision's stock actually went up.

I think that Reggaeton is so strong that even weak reggaeton can boost sales of sub-par cable services.



p.s. ok, the beat is actually pretty hot.
-Estilo Blanco

Enemy of Reggaeton: Pitbull

It's no surprise here. Look how much he raps in English and he is so desperate for acceptance by real rappers, it's pretty weak.

Pitbull got famous when Lil' Jon decided that he wanted some of that sweet, sweet money from the Latino Market. But rather than actually looking into Reggaeton and signing someone awesome like Voltio, he signed Pitbull and collected a check.

His first album was called M.I.A.M.I. (Money Is A Major Issue), and clearly he spent so much time coming up with the acronym. It is so obvious that he got the "money" part right away and spent forever thinking about the rest of it. Though his choice of a clever acronym does play into my theories about him.

First off, he claims to be Cuban but get a look at Pitbull, he's pink! So if he is actually Cuban then pretty obvious that his family probably owned Casinos and Fruit plantations in Cuba before Castro took over. Which means he's essentially the oppressor, so not a lot of credibility there.

My other theory is that Pitbull has no Cuban blood whatsoever, he is just a white guy who shaved his head, got a Rosetta Stone DVD, and took a trip to Cuba and thought it was cool. He was going to get into the revolutionary stuff, but then he saw Scarface and thought it would be awesome to pretend to be Cuban.

Finally, his ability to make witty acronyms is something that white people do when they create non profit organizations. So, you know, kind of a clue as to what he's really all about.

Pitbull is also an enemy of Reggaeton for feuding with Daddy Yankee over the issue of immigration and even challenging him to a debate in Spanish. There is no doubt that Pitbull would get smoked as he keeps asking where the bathroom is and telling the moderator that she is beautiful.

Truth be told, he could pretty much demolish us in a Spanish debate. But whatever.

-Estilo Blanco
He also says "she's loose off the goose" all the time in reference to Grey Goose vodka. What a dork.

Enemy of Reggaeton: Lil Rob

Lil' Rob - Summer Nights

We do not like Lil' Rob. He raps in English, and when he does say stuff in Spanish it's things like Pantalones and other words that even I know how to say. Pretty weak stuff.

His biggest hit was the above track called Summer Nights, and some highlights include

"right by the Pacific, to be specific" (yes he used it again in the Bumper remix, he thought we would forget)

"they think we look crazy, but I think we look classy, but that's only if you ask me." (Seriously. That was his rhyme.)

Facts:
- The guys who make Homies were going to make a Lil' Rob figure but they realized he was too much of a stereotype.

- Lil Rob was in Dangerous Minds and read out a poem and Michelle Pfieffer said it sucked.

- Lil Rob claims to have acted in Training Day, he did not.

- Lil Rob WAS in Party Animalz (2004), which seems to be about a Mexican party where some goats show up.

- Lil Rob has the pointiest and grossest goatee in history.

-Estilo Blanco

- Lil Rob only rolls with mid-to-late thirties single mothers.

- He raps like a retarded t-rex (watch the hands).

Some people tell me that I will listen to anything in Spanish. I guess that could apply to Lil Rob, except he would have to speak Spanish first.

-Talento de Victoria

Uh oh...

Voltio f. Pitbull AND Lil Rob? All kinds of bad!